patrickryanlewis

Project 400 In 365 # 8: Paranormal Activity 3

In Movie Reviews on October 24, 2011 at 4:36 am

Attention all aspiring filmmakers: you can stop now.  No, I mean it, simply put down your cameras, roll up all the cords and go home.  It has been accomplished.  There is no need to shoot another frame of footage, not need to put in 18 hour days for your craft.  Seriously, take the headphones off, return your investors money and go back to crashing on your parents couch.  You can not attain what this movie has accomplished.  There is no way on the planet anyone out there can make a film as completely and utterly pointless and boring at this movie. Actually, I may be too kind when I say that.

This movie makes watching paint dry an exhilarating experience.  This is the movie they will show to people on death row to have them beg to be thrown into Old Sparky.  Don’t believe? Well, let me just say this: out of the 1:45 minutes (or so) running time of this film, be prepared to spend about an hour and 35 minutes of watching people sleep.  No, seriously.  NOTHING HAPPENS IN THE MOVIE!!

There are two scenes in the entire film where you might actually get a little bit excited and think to yourself  “good, now maybe they will stop showing that freaking fan camera!”, but don’t be fooled, those scenes are only in there to keep you from going and refilling your drink.

The poster says “Discover how the activity began”….um, WHAT ACTIVITY!!! Even the supposed “shocking ending” is a joke (remember when I said there were two scenes that were a little exciting? Hate to break it to you, the ending ain’t one of them).

Now, I guess I should try to be somewhat in depth as to the issues in this movie. The acting is simply mind numblingly plain and ordinary.  Even the “cute” little kids come off as plastic like.  There is never any sense of real danger coming out of the screen from anyone onscreen. The dialog is watered down and so stiff, it sounds like nuns wrote it.  Plus, there are wwwaayyyy to many open ended questions left unanswered.  Where does the “dad” get his money from if it is not just from shooting weddings? (this is hinted at a couple times).  Why doesn’t the idiot simply point a camera at the door which is OBVIOUSLY where the spirit is coming in and out of the house from.  Why does the grandmother allow him to set cameras up in her house if she is so against what he is doing? (oh, I could go on and on forever here, but you get the picture).

There is really nothing else I can say here.  This is a bad movie.  And not bad in the good way that some movies are bad.  You know what I mean, the kind of movies that are just so horrible, you can’t help watching them every now and then for a good laugh.  There are NO redeeming or enjoyable qualities to this movie of any kind. None. Zero. Zilch (get the message here).

This movie should be avoided at all costs.  Do not even recommend it to be people you don’t like.

0 out of 5 stars (and that is still being too generous)

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